Saying No

Remind yourself every now and then that:

• You have the right to say no without feeling guilty
• It is ok for the other person to say no to you
• Saying yes when you mean no may reduce your feelings of self worth
• It’s better to say no at the time than to let somebody down later
• Saying yes to extra work or obligations causes you more stress
• Taking on too much can mean that other people in your life don’t get enough attention
• It might not be such a big deal for the other person to get a no response
• Being respected and respecting yourself is more important than being liked
• And most importantly, everything you say yes to is a no to something else
• Try saying no in a casual situation where you might otherwise drift into saying yes
• Be firm but polite
• Give a reason for your no response if you feel it’s appropriate, but not as an excuse

Helpful Tips

• If you need time for think, say “I’ll get back to you” and make sure you do
• Ask for more information. How long will it take? Is there anyone else who can help you?
• Use body language to show that by saying no you are not being hostile. Show that you mean what you say and are not going to be manipulated
• Stay calm and relaxed – drop your shoulders and breathe deeply; keep your voice slow and calm
• Think it through – by listening to the other person you might actually realise that you want to say yes after all
• Don’t be manipulated but it is alright to change your mind if you want to

Exercise

• Think of a situation where you would like to say ‘No’ but you usually say ‘Yes’.
• How does it feel to say ‘Yes’ when you want to say ‘No’?
• How would you say ‘No’ to this situation when asked again?

Reproduced with permission from ‘Gaining Control of Your Life: A self help workbook for anxiety’. ©Copyright Alison Sedgwick-Taylor, 2003, all rights reserved. Primary Mental Health Service, Gloucestershire