Everyday Emotional Well-being
Everyday wellbeing is about how we feel, think and behave. Nobody feels blissfully happy, thinks positive thoughts and behaves sensibly all the time, but if you are in a pretty good state of mind generally, it is much easier to enjoy life and cope with it's challenges.
Looking after your state of mind is just as important as taking care of your body, yet most of us manage our physical health far better than our mental health. As soon as we feel a physical ache or pain we generally try to do something about it, but when we find ourselves feeling very low or stressed and anxious we tend to think it is just part and parcel of life and don't do anything to improve the situation.
Of course, there are times when it's natural to feel sad or anxious, for example when you have suffered a loss or if you are adjusting to a sudden unexpected change. But if your mental balance is basically good, you are likely to cope better in a crisis and recover more quickly and fully.
The Secrets of Everyday Emotional Wellbeing
Just as achieving physically fitness takes time, practice and commitment, so to does achieving mental fitness. There are 3 basic principles in obtaining emotional wellbeing: the first is to maximise the things that make you feel good, and minimise the things that make you feel bad; second is valuing yourself and third is to recognise that you can change.
1. Maximise the things that make you feel good, and minimise the things that make you feel bad.
Some feel good factor include:
Making time for relaxation
Being able to express your feeling
Having achievable goals to aim fo
Making time for the things you enjoy
Maintaining a healthy diet
Starting a sport or exercise you enjoy
Work you find rewardin
A comfortable balance between work and leisure
Time to yourself, to do the things that interest you
Time for friends and family
Some things to minimise:
Too much stress, at home or at work
Feelings of rage or frustration
Expecting too much of yourself and negative thoughts and feelings
2. Valuing yourself
Valuing yourself will help you to recognise the things in your life that you value and deserve and help you to build your life on a secure foundation. You are important and deserve to have a life where you feel happy and secure. So value yourself enough to know when to take action and make changes in your life and when to let go of problems that you cannot change or are not yours.
3. Recognising that you can change*
Recognise that change is part of life and that the future is a journey and that change is a part of all journeys. There are 3 conditions for fruitful change:
Understand the present - don't hide from reality but see the present clearly.
Do not be burdened by the past - the past cannot be changed. Do not allow it to weigh you down.
Accept the uncertainty of the future - much of the future is not under our control. We must accept uncertainty and learn how to face the future with confidence.
There are 10 basic skills useful for gaining and maintaining a feeling of emotional wellbeing.
Time Management
Good time management means setting goals and planning to tackle the most important tasks first and not wasting time on low priority jobs or spending valuable time on things outside of our control or which we cannot change. Take time each day (10mins is all you need), to plan your day. A useful model of prioritising tasks is labelling each activity with an A, B, C or D.
A = Absolutely Essential
B = Better Done Today
C = Could Wait
D = Delegate
Facing the problem *
Facing difficulties is rarely as alarming in practice as it is in our imaginations, and avoiding them only perpetuates our difficulties. Avoidance is unproductive for 3 main reasons:
It can make the problem worse.
It creates new problems.
It interferes with your life.
Facing difficulties involves recognizing that they are there. Only then can you work out what the difficulty is and think about what to do next. Catching problems early means that they have less chance of growing into imaginary monsters. Most problems shrink in size when they are looked at directly.
Problem solving
When problem solving a good technique to use is the following 4 step system.
Define the Problem - What is the problem, when is it a problem, with whom, why, how is it a problem and what is the result of this problem?
Planning - consider possible solutions, write a list of pros and cons, make a decision and choose the most appropriate solution for the problem.
Implementation - Put the solution into practice, if you do not try, you will never know if you could be successful or whether you can achieve a reasonable solution.
Evaluation - evaluate the degree of success. Don't look for 100% perfectionism as it may not be possible. If you achieved something you have partially succeeded and you need to recognise that.
4. Treating yourself right *
In our society, people have tended to choose self-punishment over self-satisfaction, with the result that they often fail to provide for themselves the kind of encouraging environment that makes for constructive change and development. Rewards and treats work better than self-criticism. They provide an important source of pleasure, and help in solving problems and over-coming difficulties. They also make it easier to learn new skills.
5. Keeping things in perspective
There is always more than one way of seeing things. This means that although you may not be able to choose the facts you may be able to choose how you react to them, and help yourself feel better and act more effectively by looking at them with an open mind and being realistic.
6. Building self-confidence and self-esteem *
You can build up your self-confidence, even if you have lacked confidence since childhood.
The four basic insights are:
Confidence is not just one thing. Each of us lacks confidence in some areas of our life, and has confidence in other areas.
Apparently confident people around you are not as confident as you think.
We gain confidence from doing things
If you tell people youre no good, they might believe it!
These 6 guiding strategies will help you to build up your self-confidence:
Practice
Behave as if you are more confident than you feel
Be flexible in your behaviour
Learn from your mistakes.
Silence the voice of self-blame, and speak encouragingly to yourself
Be kind to yourself
The 5 strategies will help you build your self-esteem:
Attack those prejudices which lead you to undervalue yourself.
Stifle the inner critic.
Bury the judge within you that applies double standards: an unfairly strict you and a generous standard to others you.
Do the best you can, but don't berate yourself for not being perfect.
Spend time with people who make you feel good.
7. Learning to relax *
The techniques of relaxation can be learned.
Practicing relaxation will give you more energy; decrease anxiety and irritability; reduce pains to tense muscles, such as neckache, backache, and headache.
Learning to relax is: an attitude; a physical skill; a habit; and a restorative.
Learning to Relax involves four steps:
.......Preparation A regular time and place for daily practice is needed until you become competent.
.......Practice The basic method involves first tensing each muscle group and then letting go.
.......Application Once you are skilled in the basic method, you can shorten the daily relaxation period; and carry out mini relaxations throughout the day.
.......Extension Make relaxation a part of your way of life by extending it to include relaxing and recreational activities.
8. Expressing your feelings
Expressing our feelings openly promotes a sense of wellbeing and freedom from tension. It helps us to recover from hurtful experiences, and also helps other people to understand what is going on inside us. There are times when displays of emotion are not helpful, but hiding or holding back our feelings, can cause tensions that affect our physical and mental health.
9. Diet and Exercise
The food you eat can play an important part in the way you feel, physically and mentally. Too much sugar, coffee or salt can cause tension and irritability, and alcohol is a depressant, even though it may appear to relax you initially. For general wellbeing the only secret is a proper balanced diet. See your GP or a nutritionist for more information.
Regular exercise is good for us in many ways: it increases our confidence and self-esteem; it stimulates "feel good" chemicals in our bodies; it provides an outlet for tension an frustration; it relieves anxiety; helps us relax; helps us sleep better and helps to prevent physical illness such as heart disease and osteoporosis. Choose a sport or exercise you enjoy. Things like cycling, walking, aerobics and dancing tend to give you more a feeling of release than more strenuous activities such as weightlifting and push-ups. If you find it hard to get motivated try something with other people such as tennis, football or salsa dancing. Please note that when undertaking an exercise program you should consult with your GP.
10. Learning to say NO
Learning to say no in an assertive and tactful way is a difficult but important skill to learn. Remind yourself now and then that:
You have the right to say no without feeling guilty
Others have the right to say no to you
Saying yes when you really mean no may reduce your feelings of self-worth
It's better to say no at the time than to let somebody down later
Saying yes to extra work or obligations might cause you stress
Taking on too much might lower you standard of work or mean that the people important in your life don't get their due attention
It might not be such a big deal to the other person to get a no response
Be respected and respecting yourself is more important than being liked
* Extracts from The Mental Fitness Guide: Manage your Mind; by Gillian Butler and Tony Hope (1995) reproduced by permission of Oxford University Press. For further information, visit the website at:
